[PUBLIC UNIVERSITY IMPROV DUO]

Comic 1: Alright, guys! We need a location suggestion to get us started.

Audience Member: “ELEVATOR!”

Comic 1: I heard “campus quad.” Awesome suggestion, guys! So, me and Brad are going to be two college kids on the quad.

[SCENE BEGINS]

Comic 2: Hey, Aaron, I just lit up a spicy roach. Let’s get spaced and toss the disc on the campus quad.

Comic 1: Yes, and I’m bringing my retard girlfriend.

Comic 2: Dammit, Aaron! [To Audience] Can we pause the scene for a second?

[TO EACH OTHER]

Comic 1: What? What is it?

Comic 2: Seriously, bro? First, there are only two of us. Who’s going to play your retarded girlfriend? Second, it’s definitely not O.K. to talk about retarded people! You’re sucking all the funny out of the room.

Comic 1: Hop off my jock, Brad! I’m pushing the proverbial envelope! You think Jeff Dunham gives a shit about political correctness? ‘Retard’ works, bro. You’ve got to trust me.

Comic 2: How dare you bring the puppets into – Wait! I just thought of an out. [Pseudo-Elaborate Handshake] Let’s do this shit. 

[TO AUDIENCE]

Comic 2: We’re back! Sorry about that, guys – just a speed bump on hilarity highway [laughs]. Do your thing Aaron.

[SCENE COMMENCES]

Comic 1: … Yes, and I’m bringing my retard girlfriend.

Comic 2: Yes, and she’s a figment of your imagination because you’re a schizophrenic.

Comic 1: Yes, and so are you.

Comic 2: Yes, and this isn’t really a college – it’s an insane asylum.

Comic 1: Yes, and I’m tripping hard on Lithium.

Comic 2: Yes, and I feel like I’m flying.

Comic 1: Yes, and that’s because we’re in an elevator.

Comic 2: Yes, aaaaand scene.

Comic 1: No homo, but I think that was alt comedy.

Comic 2: Yes, and where’d everyone go?